You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
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