Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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