just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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