im drinking this country out of the recession.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
