I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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