The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Drunk is a universal language darling
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
