Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
