I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Randomize
