Pants 0. Shit 1.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
You smell like a Billy Joel song
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
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