if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
