the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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