what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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