I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
