cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
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