If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
My bed smells like the plague
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
