I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
