just tell him i said nine months
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
My breasts were aching with rage.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
You are a genius and a whore.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
