Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
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