I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
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For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
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My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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