It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
