party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
