I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
