If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
