Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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