Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
that's an acceptable place to lick
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
