You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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