I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
