We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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