Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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