I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
