My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
