Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
