When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
