have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Who died my cat blue again?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
