You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
