i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
