just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Randomize
