just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
