Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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