where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
