she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
