Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
