Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
