I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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