Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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