She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
whose parrot is this?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
