I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
