3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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