toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
