it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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