i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
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the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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