Already got asked if we're dating
There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
