if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
