So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
