You were right. It hurts to walk today.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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