The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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