you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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