Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
