you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
