Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
