Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
