when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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