Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
