it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
