I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
