This is not my ceiling
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
