thus making me awesome and them whores
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
