Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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