After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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