True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
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