Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I take back everything I said about communal showers
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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