i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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