Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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