There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
