Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
