Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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