so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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