Just mADE A PArabola og urine
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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