I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
