Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize