Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Small penises have feelings too.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
