i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize